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Apr 29
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2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs: St. Louis Blues vs. Los Angeles Kings

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#2 St. Louis Blues vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

The St. Louis Blues beat the San Jose Sharks in every aspect of the game. They got better offense out of their forwards, better defense out of the back end and better goaltending from their pair of tenders, Elliot and Halak and it showed. They took the series in five games with Hitchcock’s defensive system taking over. It was something that the Sharks couldn’t fight through. It was something that they couldn’t handle and the Blues moved onward. The Kings on the other hand, shocked many in the hockey world by taking out the number one team in the NHL, the Vancouver Canucks. Part of that was because Daniel Sedin was out the first three games. The other part was Dustin Brown and Mike Richards and while Quick was a big part of it, we knew that he would be. He has been stellar all year and did not disappoint through the first five games of the playoffs.

The St. Louis Blues are by all means a defensive team that relies heavily on stellar goaltending and a counter attack. They have offensive firepower in Oshie and Perron and have gotten a lot of assistance from Captain, David Backes, but is it enough? I’m not sure. I think that the Blues need to get more help. MacDonald has been a pretty big part of the playoffs so far as well, but I think that they need their depth to take it to the next level. I’m not going to pretend to know the ins and the outs of the top 12 forwards on the St. Louis Blues, but I will say this. It’s the playoffs and everyone that hits that ice has to be a contributor. They have to play like they are in the playoffs and if they aren’t, then they are a liability.

If the Blues can play the defense that has made them the number three team in the NHL, they are still a dangerous team. They can still take this series and they can still move onto the cup. I am not trying to put the team down, because they are a well coached system with veteran experience from Arnott and Langenbrunner. They still have one of the most dangerous one-two’s in the crease, assuming that Halak is healthy in this series but they are going to need to step their game up to beat the Kings.

The Kings are looking more and more like the team that everyone thought that they would be before the season started. Mike Richards and Dustin Brown have continued to be gritty bruisers that get into the corners and force turnovers. Dustin Brown had two short handed goals in the series against Vancouver and Mike Richards had a stellar series. They are getting help from the back end as well. Doughty, while not living up to his paycheck, is playing good defense and has been a relatively decent quarterback for the team. Mitchell is pitching in more than I anticipated and Green isn’t doing so bad either.

It’s interesting watching this Kings team because everyone is stepping up. They are all taking it to the next level and the organization is getting help from everyone. even Mr. Pancake himself, Dustin Penner. Penner has been a liability since he joined the team. He is slow. He doesn’t put up points and he isn’t much of a two-way player, but that’s not the case in the playoffs. Sure, he’s still slow and he isn’t back checking like he should be, but he’s out there. He’s trying and he’s contributing offensively, which is something that these Kings need desperately.

I don’t see either of these teams lighting the lamp too frequently in this series. If we’re lucky, we’ll get a combined three or four goals a game. Either way, I think that this series goes the distance and that it will be decided by the offensive depth. Both sets of goaltenders have proven themselves. Both teams have solid, young defenders and the offense of each team matches up. It’s just going to be about who hits harder and who goes that extra mile.

Is it Backes, Perron, Arnott and Oshie? Or is it Brown, Richards, Carter and Kopitar?

I suppose only time will tell, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the Kings take the Blues. If The Kings play like they did in the Vancouver series, the Blues are going to have a tough time overcoming adversity and I think that they will. I think that the Kings will play a physical game and I think that their offense will give them what they need to make it to the next round.

Prediction: Kings in 6

 

 

Apr 28
0

2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs: New York Rangers vs. Washington Capitals

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#1 New York rangers vs. #7 Washington Capitals

Nearly everyone made it seem like the New York Rangers were going to streamline through the Ottawa Senators. They made it seem like the series was going to be over in a quick four or five games, but I had a feeling it was going to go a bit further than that. Did I think that it would go to seven? No. I thought it would probably end around game six, but when Ottawa took the 3-2 lead in the series, I won’t lie. I was hopeful for an upset. But it didn’t happen.

There weren’t very many times in the Ottawa series where New York looked like a dominant team. Don’t get me wrong. I would say that they played well, but I don’t think that they played nearly as well as they thought they would. Their offense was essentially nonexistent. It seemed like they just couldn’t outwork the Senators and I think that’s going to be problematic in the series against the Capitals. If players like Gaborik, Richards and Dubinsky don’t elevate their game to the next level, they may find themselves in a heap of trouble, especially if Washington’s stars keep playing the way that they are.

For New York to be successful, they need to be less reliant on Lundqvist. By that, I mean they shouldn’t be focusing on winning 1-0 games. They shouldn’t be hoping that Lundqvist keeps them in there. They need to get out there and they need to produce offense. They need their stars and their forward depth to put the puck in the back of the net and from what I have seen, I don’t know if they have it in them. I haven’t noticed much of Gaborik at all so far in the playoffs. The first round seemed like it was the Callahan and Boyle show (until he got hurt). I mean, looking at game 7 alone, the Rangers had to rely on their defense to not only hold off the Senators, but also to step their game up and put the puck in the net. I know that this isn’t the Capitals of two years ago that were running, gunning and putting up six goals a game, but I think that they have a little bit more offense in them than the Rangers will be prepared for.

The Capitals played a tough, physical series against the Bruins and the Bruins made sure that the Capitals knew that. The hits were huge and explosive. The game was kept tight to the outside. Every game was within a single goal. It could have gone either way at any time, but Washington came out victorious. It was kind of an amazing story if you think about it. I mean, the Capitals toppled the reigning Stanley Cup champions with their third string goalie and on top of that, they won the series despite big Z keeping Ovechkin at bay. I know that doesn’t sound like much. I know that a lot of people are down on Ovechkin, especially this year, but I think that big things are coming his way. Towards the end of the season it looked like the Great Eight finally got his legs under him and he was making some of the plays that he has become known for. He started becoming that prolific goal scorer that is difficult to contain. Even though he was held out of the third period in most games in the Bruins series, he still led the team with 5 points. If Girardi and McDonagh don’t shut down Ovechkin the way that Chara did, I think that they Rangers are going to be in a bit of trouble.

Ovechkin is only the beginning for Capital’s offense that is comprised of a plethora of depth and persistence that starts with Brooks Laich and works its way through characters like Chimera, Johansson, Backstrom, Ward, and Knuble. I’m not so surprised from the effort that these guys put forth. They are all hard workers and they are living up to their hype. I am however surprised by one player in particular, Alexander Semin. Semin is not exactly known for his presence in the playoffs. He’s not quite as “gutless” as Patrick Marleau, but he generally tends to be pretty invisible. This year, it is the exact opposite. I don’t know if it’s because it’s a contract year or what, but Semin has been everywhere. He is diving to making plays. He is getting in the boards. He is back checking and he is scoring goals. He is exceeding everyone’s expectations by a mile and if he keeps that up, the Rangers are going to need more than a little bit of help from Gabby and Hank.

During the regular season, the Capitals took the Rangers in their series three games to one, which says a lot. I know that regular season records mean nothing come the playoffs because it is indeed a different game entirely, but so far, I would say that works in favor of the Capitals and against the Rangers. Dale Hunter knows what he’s doing with the Capitals and it looks like he has them believing in a defense first system. He even has Ovechkin believing in it, which is pretty unbelievable. That doesn’t mean that he has him playing defense, because let’s face it, that will never happen, but he has him on the bench. He has him right where he should be and he’s okay with that. He’s okay with sitting when he needs to, but he’s also okay with playing two minutes straight on the power play. The Capitals are doing a lot of things right and I think that they showed that by beating Boston in game seven.

Prediction: Capitals in 6

 

Apr 27
0

2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs: Nashville Predators vs. Phoenix Coyotes

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#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs. #4 Nashville Predators

In the first round, I went 7 for 8 in predictions. The only team match up that I got incorrect was Los Angeles vs. Vancouver and while it is considered an upset to many, I am not surprised. Maybe it’s because the Kings are starting to play a little bit more like the team that we thought that they would be prior to the start of the season or maybe it’s because the Canucks were without Daniel Sedin. Either way, I was rooting for the Kings the whole way in that series and I am glad that they got through to the second round. Now onto the match up at hand.

I don’t know if it’s because I moved into the Phoenix market, thus becoming a fan of the team or what, but this Coyotes team seems to play a lot harder and a lot tougher than I can ever remember them playing. This is a team without a true superstar. They don’t have a Claude Giroux. They don’t have Evgeni Malkin or Sidney Crosby. They don’t even have a Corey Perry or Bobby Ryan. Some people might argue that by saying that they have Vrbata and Doan, a 30 goal scorer and a respectable veteran talent respectively, but they’re not quite the same kind of people. Vrbata’s 30-goal year could possibly be the quietest 30-goal year for any player in the NHL. To be honest, I am not sure that I would have known that he had 30 goals if I weren’t living here, and as for Doan, I have always known that he was a star. I have always known that he was talented and a leader by nature, but that doesn’t quite put him in that “Super Star” role. Their defense shines with young stars like Keith Yandle and Oliver Ekman-Larson, but being in the Phoenix market means that they are significantly  underrated and sometimes, undervalued. But in the playoffs, the story isn’t these players. It’s the depth chipping in. It’s Brule and Boedker and Vermette. It’s everyone fulfilling their roles and playing a team game, as a team.

And then there is the man that won them the Chicago Blackhawks series, Mike Smith, but again, not quite a super star. He is simply a man that has thrived in a defensive system. Don’t get me wrong. He has outplayed and out shined everyone’s wildest expectations. After the series with the Hawks was over, I watched an interview with Jonathon Toews where he said, “I don’t know what else we could have done.” And it was true. For anyone that missed the series, particularly the last game, you would see that there was nothing that they could have done. Mike Smith had an answer every shot and if he plays like that in this series, the Predators are going to be in for a very, very long series.

On the Predators side of the fence, they have four stars in particular that are making all of the difference. Shea Weber, Ryan Suter, Pekka Rinne and Alexander Radulov. I would argue that Radulov isn’t living up to his expectations, particularly scoring, but he’s making his way around. He had 5 points in the series against the Red Wings, but only one of them was a goal and I am sure that’s something that he is looking to change. Like the Coyotes, the Predators have had their production come from their depth. They are another deep team that plays with a defense first mindset. They put you on the boards and outwork you and then as soon as you make one, tiny mistake, they pounce. And the thing with the Predators this post-season is that when they pounce, they don’t miss.

They took the Detroit Redwings down in 5 games and a lot of that was the Redwings beating themselves. Again, I’m not saying that the Predators didn’t outplay and out hustle the Wnigs, because they did a lot of the time, but the real difference maker was Rinne. Like the Hawks in Phoenix, the Wings could not solve their opponent’s goaltending and that’s the story in the West right now. Each series was stolen by stellar goaltending. I remember a few years ago, when the Hawks and the Flyers went to the Stanley Cup with mediocre netminders in Bouche/Leighton and Niemmi. Everyone asked, is the age of the superstar goaltender over? Is there no longer a need for the Lundqvists and the Haseks? I think that the Western Conference answers that question for you.

During the regular season, this series was split 2-2, with one of the Predators wins going to a shootout. So, in that sense, you have to give the edge to Phoenix, but at the same time, those games were earlier on in the season, and these are different teams. Mike Smith didn’t turn into this Mike Smith until the second half of the season and the Predators have acquired a significant amount of depth at the trade deadline and with Radulov returning from Russia. So, this series really is anyone’s game.

The Predators are a dangerous, dangerous team and I knew that coming into the playoffs. I knew that when the Wings drew them. It was the one team in the Conference that I wanted no part of, but alas, that’s generally how things work. The thing is, I think that the Coyotes match up much better against the Predators than the Redwings ever could. The defensive first mindset on both ends is sure to make this series a very, very close one. I imagine that it will look very much like a soccer series, with many 1 or 2 goal games. I could be wrong, but I don’t think that either team is sneaking that many goals behind Rinne and Smith.

I think that this series could go either way. I realize that every series can go either way, but I think that there is just so much going on here. The defensive systems and the scoring depth are just so prevalent in this series, but at the end of the day, my gut tells me it’s the Coyotes. I know that sounds biased because I live out here, but this team really is showing signs of something special. They are accomplishing feats that no one ever thought that they would be capable of and I think that by knocking out the former Stanley Cup champions, the Chicago Blackhawks, they are showing that. The Blackhawks were one of the top teams in scoring this year in the NHL and the Coyotes shut them down, so I am interested to see where this series goes.

Prediction: Coyotes in 7.

 

Apr 09
0

2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs: First Round Western Conference Predictions

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Western Conference

 

#1 Vancouver Canucks vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

I don’t think that it is all that surprising that the Canucks won the President’s trophy again. They were a dominant team last year and not much changed for them in the off season. With the addition of David Booth, I believe they only got better. Luongo and Schneider have continued to play well. The Sedin’s had another stellar season and they had a fair amount of depth step it up. The only surprising turn of events for this team for me is that Kesler was invisible all season long.

Before the season, the Los Angeles were predicted to do some great, great things. With the addition of Mike Richards, they got some of the hard work, experience and grit that they needed. They locked up Doughty long term, and they had the tandem of Bernier and Quick in net. However, somewhere along the way, that potential just never blossomed into anything. It wasn’t the goaltending. Quick played out of this world all year. Their defense wasn’t bad, but their offense was almost non existent. Richards started strong, but fell off after sustaining an injury. Gagne has been out most of the year and the acquisition of Penner is still a terrible move. But before the deadline, they picked up Jeff Carter and even though he hasn’t done a ton individually, the team seems inspired. They’re playing better and more importantly, they’re scoring goals.

Vancouver is coming in strong. They are 8-1-1 in their last ten. Considering that they have been winning without their goal scoring ginger, they are a dangerous team. I can only imagine that they will continue to strive once he returns. I think this will be a close series, but only if Luongo can keep his head together. Somehow, between him and Schneider, I think they manage it. Also, I think that the experience that the Canucks have the past three years will help them outscore the Kings and take them into the next round.

Prediction: Vancouver in 6

 

#2 St. Louis Blues vs. #7 San Jose Sharks

When the St. Louis Blues added Jamie Langenbrunner and Jason Arnott, I knew that they were adding valuable experience that would help them develop their younger core. I knew that they would do good things this season and that they would be contenders in the playoffs. Their season started off slow, but before they could get buried they got a new coach. I knew that Hitchcock would do good things for the team. I did not, however, expect them to almost win the President’s Trophy. The St. Louis Blues have played out of this world defense and have have strong scoring depth. The biggest problem that they are having at the moment is which goalie should they start. Not because they are in the Capitals predicament, with both starters out, but because both of their goalies have been outstanding. Brian Elliott and Jaroslav Halak have been competing back and forth for the starting position and they have both been playing phenomenal. If that’s your biggest problem, I’d say that you are probably in pretty good shape.

In the off season, San Jose sent Heatley to Minnesota for Havlat and then shortly after that they sent Setoguchi there for Burns. They were two pretty huge trades that I thought would only make the Sharks that much more dangerous. I thought that those two trades might be exactly what they needed to make that extra push to get to the cup, but like the Kings, they didn’t live up to their potential. I suppose you could attribute that to Heatley’s injuries, but he’s only one player. The rest of the team is still comprised of huge, physical players that dominate. I suppose you could say that it was an off year. Their goaltending was less than desirable and they didn’t get the numbers that they usually get out of Thornton.

The Blues took the sharks in all four meetings this season. Their defensive play and their young core won out all season. It isn’t going to get any easier for the Sharks. They have the experience, and they have the depth, but how are they going to handle a healthy, young defensive team like the Blues?

I don’t think that they will be able to. I think it will be a tough, physical series, but I don’t think that the Sharks can overcome the defensive and goaltender prowess of the Blues.

Prediction: Blues in 6

 

#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs. #6 Chicago Blackhawks

The departure of Ilya Bryzgalov created a large amount of uncertainty for the Phoenix Coyotes, but it could not have worked out better for them. He wasn’t someone that they were going to be able to afford and his replacement, Mike Smith stepped up big time. Smith has been hands down the MVP for this team this season. He has single handedly kept this team in the race. Don’t get me wrong. Doan, Vrbata and Whitney have been offensive powerhouses. Boedker is developing well. Yandle and Ekman-Larsson have been great, and they have one of the best coaches in the league. Dave Tippett has continued to take this team to the next level and to overcome adversity.

The Blackhawks did one wonderful thing this season. They got rid of John Scott. This has nothing to do with my prediction for this series. I just hate John Scott. He is worthless. Good luck, New York. Anyway. Kane, Sharp and Hossa are still Kane, Sharp and Hossa. Keith and Seabrook are still Keith and Seabrook. Unfortunately, Crawford and Emery have not played as well as they could have. I think that this team would be a lot more dominant if their goaltenders could answer the call. At the moment, Toews is still out with a concussion, but he remains one of the hardest working athletes in the league. If he makes it back for the series, which they are saying that he will, he will definitely be a game changer.

But how do the offensive driven Blackhawks match up against the defensive minded Coyotes? The Coyotes took three of the four games from Chicago. Will that make any difference or even carry into the playoffs? It’s hard to say, but I think that for the Blackhawk, the Coyotes provide the biggest challenge out of the three Pacific Division teams that they could have played. That’s not a knock against San Jose or LA. I just think that the Coyotes have what it takes to frustrate and challenge the Blackhawks. It’s going to take a lot to break them down and get the puck behind Smith.

The Coyotes are the 3 seed in this match up, but they are far from the favorite. I can’t help but think that this is the year that the Coyotes make it out of the first round. I know that seems biased considering that I live in Phoenix, but they are just playing too tough. Mike Smith is playing too well. I can’t help but think that if the Coyotes get the Mike Smith they have had throughout the regular season, they are going to squeak past the Blackhawks.

Prediction: Coyotes in 7

 

#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 Detroit Redwings

The Nashville Predators are the most improved team from last season. I don’t think that there are many people out there would disagree with that. With the addition of the bad Kostistyn, Gaustad, Hal Gill, and Radulov they are only stronger and deeper. Gaustad is the go to face off guy. The bad Kostitsyn has played much better alongside the better Kostitsyn. Hal Gill still looks like he’s skating in quick sand, but he is a big, big man and a shut down defender, and lastly, Radulov has been touted as the best player outside of the NHL. He hasn’t “proven” himself thus far, but he has only been back for a handful of games. With the shut down pairing of Weber and Suter, the deep scoring, and Rinne in net. I think that the Predators are the team to beat in the West. They’re that scary.

Detroit’s age is starting to show. Throughout the second half of the season, it seemed like they had more injured players than they had healthy. At one point, they were missing Lidstrom, Datsyuk, Franzen, Cleary, Bertuzzi, Kindle, Ericsson, Miller, Eaves and Howard. Most of those players are back, but none of those players are 100%. Also not at 100%, the rest of their roster. MacDonald is hurting. Zetterberg is hurting. Everyone is hurting. In their favor, Hudler and Filpula have had incredible seasons lining up with Zetterberg. They have gotten a lot of scoring from Miller and Abdelkader, and Ian White has done more than was expected from him. The late addition of Quincey will help the blue line depth, but I don’t know if it will be enough.

I think that this series will be tough for both teams. I’m not sure that either team could have drawn a harder match up. I think that this series is similar to the Pittsburgh and Philadelphia series in that vain. Regardless, I think that the fact that the Red Wings aren’t at 100% weighs them down and I don’t think that they will be able to break through the defensive play of the Predators. I think it will be close and that it could go either way, but if pressed, I’d say that the Predators take the series in 7 games.

Prediction: Predators in 7

 

Apr 08
0

2012 NHL Stanley Cup Playoffs: First Round Eastern Conference Predictions

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Eastern Conference

 

#1 – New York Rangers vs. #8 – Ottawa Senators

I can honestly say that I did not expect the season that Ottawa put forth. During the draft, they made it pretty clear that this was a rebuilding year. Sure, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re going to tank and go for the first round pick, but I also don’t think that anyone expected them to have the year that they had.  Jason Spezza stepped his game up, Milan Michalek had a stellar year by almost doubling his career high for both goals and assists, Daniel Alfredsson played like a true captain, and Erik Karlsson outright dominated all three zones.

But how does all of that match up to the number one team in the Eastern Conference? It’s hard to say. On paper, you would think this series would be all Rangers, all day. They have one of, if not the best goaltenders in the NHL, a shut down defensive core, and solid depth up front. They have done just about everything right all year.

Yet somehow they still had a hard time beating the Ottawa Senators. Ottawa has taken 3 of four games against the Rangers. Two in regulation and one in a shootout. Honestly, I don’t think that the regular season numbers matter all that much, because come playoff time, it is all about that extra gear and you either have it or you don’t. Needless to say, I think that this series will be more interesting than it looks.

I think that the Senators are a quick and relatively young team that will use that to their advantage, but at the end of the day, you still have to get shots through the Rangers defense, and then after that you still have to beat Hank. I believe that this series will be all about goaltending. If the Rangers get the Lundvist they have had all season, I think that the Rangers take the series in 6.

Prediction: Rangers in 6

 

#2 – Boston Bruins vs. #7 – Washington Capitals

The Boston Bruins started this year on a very, very flat note. They came out looking like they were still hungover from their Stanley Cup celebrations. However, once November came, they reminded everyone why they won the Stanley Cup. I’m not going to lie. The way that they played in that month and a half stretch was down right terrifying. They weren’t beating teams, they were stomping them. They were dominant. They were physical, and they were scoring goals. Anyone who looked at that Boston team would easily have predicted them to repeat this year. Fortunately for the rest of the teams in the NHL, that streak proved to be a streak and nothing more. They are still a tough team with dominant players, but they now appear mortal. Tim Thomas is roared and ready to go after another stellar season. The only thing that I think might hurt them in the long run is the absence of Tukka Rask due to injury. Marty Turco, who has been playing in net for the Bruins lately, is ineligible for playoffs because he was signed after the trade deadline.

Sure, the absence of Tukka Rask as a back up to Thomas might seem problematic, but how about missing both of your starting goaltenders? That’s the boat Washington is currently sinking in. Both Vokoun and Neuvirth are out. They are playing AHL star goaltender Braden Holtby. He’s been playing well enough for the Capitals, but will that be enough for to keep the Bruins at Bay? It’s hard to say, but I certainly wouldn’t count the Capitals out.

The Capitals have taken the Bruins in three of their four meetings this season and their key players are starting to step their game up. Backstrom is back after receiving a concussion in January, Green is starting to get his legs going again, and most importantly, Ovechkin is scoring.

Honestly, I think that this series can go either way. If we see the Bruins from November and last year’s playoffs, I don’t think that anything can stop them. However, if the Capitals can continue the pace that they have been working at these past few weeks, they will make it interesting to say the least. I am picking the Capitals in 7 in this series.

Prediction: Capitals in 7

 

#3 – Florida Panthers vs. #6 – New Jersey Devils

When Dave Tallon took over for the Florida Panthers, there was a lot of criticism going around that he was simply rebuilding the Chicago Blackhawks. Whether that was his intention or not, it worked. He brought in former Blackhawks, Versteeg and Kopecky for some scoring depth, and then Scottie Upshall for good measure. He brought in some veteran presence with John Madden and Mikael Samuelsson, and then on the back end, the addition of Campbell. I remember Blackhawks fans laughing at Florida for taking the hit on Campbell’s contract, but realistically, there aren’t many better players in the league at quarterbacking a power play and getting the game moving. Campbell has played phenomenal for Florida and is a big part of their success.

New Jersey played this season like the New Jersey Devils we have known for years. Kovalchuk and Parise were dominant. Larsson logged huge minutes, Brodeur played good hockey and rookie Adam Henrique, had a stellar season. They got the scoring and the leadership where they needed it from their veterans and put together a great season. It wasn’t quite the Devils that we saw come together at the end of last season, but they were still a force to be reckoned with. In my opinion, the Devils are one of those teams that can beat any team on any given night.

The Panthers are in a bit of a rough spot coming into the playoffs having won only two of their final ten games, while the Devils are coming in hot, winning their last six. The pair of teams are 2-2 in the regular season, so it’s a wash. The Devils can be a scary team if all cylinders are going. I think that they’re a team that can go far under the right circumstances and I think that the Devils take this series in 5. It’s not that I discount the Panthers, because I think that they are a decent team. But the Devils are just playing that strong.

Prediction: Devils in 5

 

#4 – Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers

To say that this will be one of the more interesting first round match ups would be a vast understatement. Since Crosby’s second return, the Penguins have been nothing short of dominant. With Malkin, Crosby, Letang, Staal and Fleury all finally healthy at the same, the Penguins are a scary, scary team. In the 14 games since Crosby’s return the team has outscored their opponents 63 to 48, boasting a 9-5 record. In those 14 games, the Penguins took down multiple top tier teams including the Rangers and the Devils twice, and the Predators, while dropping two games to the Islanders. Unfortunately for the Penguins, two of those other two losses were to the Flyers.

When healthy, I would argue that there are few more complete teams in the NHL than the Flyers. I am not just saying that because I’m from Philadelphia and a fan of the team. I am saying it because it’s true. Where do you even begin with a team like the Flyers? Giroux took the necessary steps to the lead the team, Hartnell turned all-star (who thought you would ever say that?), the group of rookies including Read, Schenn and Couturier have done it all and then some, Bryzgalov pulled his head out of the humangous big Universe, and Jagr has provided a much needed veteran presence. That doesn’t even touch on the additions of Talbot, Voracek and Simmonds. There is a reason that the Flyers are one of the top scoring teams in the NHL. Sure, their defense leaves something to be desired (and by something I mean a 6’6, 220 lb monster named Chris Pronger), but they’ve managed to pull it together in the final stretch with the addition of Grossman and Kubina.

It’s been a rough season for the Flyers. They have been bitten by the injury bug a little more voraciously than most teams, but they’re making the best of the situation and are still one of the best teams in the league. It’s scary to think how this team would play with Pronger, Mezaros, and JVR back, not to mention having Grossman, Bryz and Briere at 100%.

The Flyers have taken four of the six meetings this season against the Penguins, and I would argue that they would have taken the last game if Giroux was in the game. But again, regular season statistics don’t always match up come playoff time, and it would be dumb to discount either team in this series. I think that they both have what it takes to take home the cup, and I’m not going to lie, this is a series I was looking forward to as the Eastern Conference Finals. In the end, to me, the Flyers are the Penguins kryptonite. There aren’t many teams in the league that can take the Penguins the way that the Flyers do. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying this series will be a sweep, but I do think that the Flyers take it in 6.

Prediction: Flyers in 6

Mar 19
0

Choose Your Next Move Carefully, Michael Bay.

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Let me preface this by saying that I know that Michael Bay does not care about my personal opinion. I know he isn’t going to read this blog and tweet, “Oh yeah, @theGreat_Puzzle thinks I only know how to ‘splode things, but he only know hows to rant. Rabble, rabble, rabble! Watch this! *Dives into Scrooge McDuck vault of gold coins.” And not just because it’s 42 characters over the 140 maximum, but because it really doesn’t mean a goddamn thing. People are still going to flock to his movies and people are still going to pay the $47.50 to see them in 3D.

Before today I would never say that I hated Michael Bay. Don’t get me wrong, I never liked him. Far from it actually, but I would never associate him with the word hate. Not because it’s too strong of a word, because if you know anything about me, I hate most things. But perhaps I was being easy on him because he brought Megan Fox to the lime light. Actually, that has to be it, because other than that single reason, I can not imagine why I wouldn’t hate him.

I mean, we’re talking about a guy that took a franchise about giant robots that turn into cars, and various other forms of technology and constantly destroy each other into a story about that little kid from Even Stevens. How? How do you do that? I didn’t even know that was possible. And when I say giant robots, it’s not like I mean “Real Steel” robots that are slightly taller than Hugh Jackman, and by destroy each other, I don’t mean they punch each other until one of their heads pops up and you have to push it back down to initiate the next fight. I’m talking about giant robots the size of row homes, some so large that they can crush pyramids, or devour planets. I’m talking about something that Michael Bay should have been good at for once. Something that is ‘splosion centered, because let’s face it, that’s the only word he knows when he walks into the writer’s room.

I feel like when he sits down with his writers, they’re like, “Okay Michael, so we started fleshing out this one scene. We’re thinking that we’re going to have Megan Fox in like nothing, and then she’s going to do this thing where she’s next to a pool wearing even less, but we’re hitting a road block. What do you think we should do with it?” And then he just says, “Well, we could add a building, and then have this really big explosion that takes out the building behind her, and she could fly forward, avoiding it, like she wasn’t that close enough to it to have any long term effects, even though she was, but trust me. She won’t have any hearing problems from a ‘splosion of that magnitude, and her skin won’t be seared off by the heat wave that follows it. I mean, of course we’ll throw a layer of dust on her to make it realistic, but that’s the only damage that she’d sustain, and then after that, another explosion will happen in the background, but the Even Stevens kid will run through it, because he’s a bad ass, and awesome.” And somehow he always adjourns those meetings the same way, “Man I loved that show, Even Stevens. The only thing that would have made it better is if that little kid that loved bacon, loved explosions instead.”

I know what you’re thinking, where is this going? What does his love for ‘splosions have to do with you hating him? And why now? The last Transformers movie came out last year, and it wasn’t that bad, right? So, why has his status changed from a yellow-orange to a crimson on the NHS? (The National Hate Scale)

The answer is simple, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

For dramatic effect, please read this again.

Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles.

I know what you’re thinking, Jason, you must have stuttered or went brain dead in the middle of that last reiteration because what you said is just stupid. They’re not aliens. They were turtles that fell into the sewer and were mutated into crime fighting ninjas only after coming into contact with neon green ooze, and being trained by a Japanese rat that is hell bent on taking out the man who killed his own mentor (in some versions, anyway). So, why would you say aliens? That’s just dumb. That’s what I thought too. I thought I must have made a mistake. It must have been in my subconscious because I was talking about Transformers, or thinking about that awesome ending to that last Indiana Jones movie. My mind must have been elsewhere, because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are mutants, not aliens, right?

Not anymore.

When talking about the reboot of the Ninja Turtle franchise, here’s what Michael Bay had to say:

“When you see this movie, kids will believe one day that these turtles do exist, when we’re done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny, and completely lovable.” – Michael Bay

… Okay. I don’t even have anything else to say, because I don’t have to. I think that we can all agree, to agree here that the world is ending. That Michael Bay knows something we don’t, like maybe that at the end of the Mayan Calendar that we’re going to be invaded by alien turtles, and this is the way of warning us, but don’t worry, they’re going to be totally tough and edgy and funny and completely lovable.

Kids will adore them.

… well I’m glad you think that Michael. I’m glad you think that. Because I’m done here. I’m going to astronaut school, or winning the lottery, or doing something drastic to escape whatever is left of mankind, because I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. First, Firefly gets canceled by Fox, then the Dragonball movie comes out and they call Piccolo, “Peekolo”, then Lost ends, then Wonka’s Oompa Loompa’s escape and make television history by living in Seaside Heights, then instead of making new movies, or even rebooting old franchises, director’s have somehow managed to get even lazier by re-releasing old films again in 3D without changing anything besides the subtitles, and now this.

It’s just too much.

It’s too much for any single specimen to deal with.

But since me flying away in a lonely little escape pod is far from being even remotely possible, I think that at the very least we should try to reach out to Michael Bay and explain to him that the Ninja Turtles are mutants, not aliens, and that if he manages to mess this up any worse than Stuart Gillard messed up the third film, that he’s going to have hell to pay, or just a lot of investors, because no no one will see it, and it will flop harder than John Carter and the Prince of Persia combined.

So, choose your next move carefully, Mr. Bay.

Very carefully.

Mar 14
0

Productivity, Step One: Write. Step Two: ???. Step Three: Profit.

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So, lately I have been trying this thing called productivity. It’s kind of weird, and isn’t something that I am all that familiar with.

Well, that sounds bad.

Let me clarify.

It’s not that I am not a productive person because I believe that I am, but only when I have an end game, only when I have a goal to accomplish. For a long time, I kind of stopped creating goals for myself because I thought that I was accomplishing things. I thought that by keeping busy with menial tasks that I was doing something, and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was merely keeping my mind occupied enough to think that I was accomplishing something, and thinking about it, it kind of makes you sick, you know? Like, thinking about it, you’re just biding time, waiting for someone or something to snap you into the next mode of productivity, and that’s not living at all.

You can’t expect anyone to hand you anything, and I think to an extent that I let that happen for a little while. Not that I expected someone to ring the doorbell with an opportunity and wait long enough for me to run downstairs and answer it, but I think that I have kind of waited for opportunity to come to me, and let’s be serious, who has that ever worked for? Okay, Will Smith’s kids don’t count. They were going to be famous no matter what they looked like or what they did, but for us mortals, opportunity doesn’t knock on your door. It’s in a car somewhere, flying down the highway and if you’re lucky, you’ll pull up next to it and get a glimpse of what it has to offer. It won’t ever slow down long enough for you to line up the cars, open your window and dive into the backseat (summer-movie-blockbuster style), but it will let you catch a glimpse of the driver’s GPS, maybe not the final destination, but you’ll see what route he’s taking. It will give you just enough to get somewhere if you want to get there.

And it kind of makes you think, you know? It makes you wonder what opportunities you missed out on, it makes you think where you would be if you stepped outside of the box and onto that metaphorical highway.

I’m not saying that I’ve been sitting in my computer chair for the past ten years, listening for that annoying chime to sound through the house so I can take off running. I mean, I went to college for seven years, I got a pair of Bachelor’s degrees, I worked full time during the winter, and at every event that I could work during the summer. It’s not like I would ever say that I was outright lazy, but I guess you could argue that I should have done more. I should have been more motivated. I should have been more decisive, and I would agree with all of those things.

But at the same time, I like to think that because I didn’t do more, that I wasn’t more motivated and that I wasn’t more decisive that I’ll learn from that, and that’s important too, you know?

So, I’m starting back at the fundamentals of the things that I know, and with each step I will probably need some help.

My first step is to get back on track with writing. By writing, I don’t necessarily mean blogs, but of course I will do that as well. I mostly mean works of fiction. I have had like three or four solid ideas for novels that I just never work on. I have notebooks scattered about my room littered with minute notes, and a hundred one liners that I jot down in my phone every time I think of them, but I never do anything with them. They never evolve past that passing idea, and part of that scares me.

It scares me because sometimes when I look back at the notes, or the one liners they don’t mean anything. I look at them and think, what the hell does that even mean? And that’s kind of sad, I think, because at one point I thought it was a good enough idea to write down. I thought that it was good enough to spark something, but it never does, because I never let it. I never try to let it spark something. So, that’s what I’m doing. That’s where I’m going.

I started working on one pretty large piece of fiction. I don’t know if it will flesh out to be a novel or not, I’d like it to, but I don’t think that’s something that you can force. So, in the mean time, we’ll just say it’s something I am working on.

This is where the help comes in (not without a quick anecdote, of course).

My favorite part about college, about being in the Writing Arts department was getting insight from our workshops on the things that I wrote. It was about getting feedback on the ideas that I had, and listening to what other people had to say. No, it wasn’t because I was narcissistic with a Mothra sized ego. It was because I wanted to know what people thought, and how they thought. It was because at the time that I wrote something, I thought it was good. It doesn’t mean that it was. In fact, most of the time when I reread it, I thought it was pretty terrible, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything either. It’s hard judging your own writing because you kind of get sick of reading it after a while. It kind of gets stale sometimes when you read the same thing over and over again because you already know what it says and you already know how you say it.

The point is, I think that like anything in this world, writing needs a little bit of help to grow, and I think an outside perspective can do provide that assistance. It’s kind of like how they say that talking or singing to a plant helps it grow. Some people used to think that plants grew when you talked to them because the plant absorbed whatever you told it, it kept your secrets, and therefore it got bigger because it kept it all in. This is kind of similar to that. I mean, I don’t want you to tell me your secrets (unless they’re really, really good ones), I kind of just want someone to help my writing grow.

Back to the point.

I kind of want to share what I’m writing with a handful of people, but only if they think that they’ll have time to look it over and give me some feedback. Let me start by saying, I don’t want someone that is going to read it and say, “This part sucks. A lot.” But I also I don’t want someone to read it and say, “Hey, that’s really good. Great job.” Instead, I kind of want someone that will be objective and say things like, “I think that the part where this happens could be a little bit stronger. Like, you could use a little bit more detail to get this point across.” or “I don’t think that point is strong enough. Like, did you mean this? or that?”, or “Where are you going with this? Is this part important enough to stay in? It’s kind of stale or repetitive.” etc.

I want input because as much as I am writing for myself, I am writing because I want to create something that other people will want to read. Not commercially necessarily. Not like Twilight or Vampire Diaries or whatever that junk is, but something fluid. Something that makes sense, and has some sense of meaning, even if it doesn’t mean a whole lot.

So, if you think you might be interested, email me at jah713@gmail.com.

Feb 24
0

Ho, Ho, Ho! Merry 2011-2012 NHL Trade Deadline!

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Do you remember what December 23rd felt like as a kid? Do you remember going to school that day, knowing that once noon hit that you would be on your way home? Do you remember how good it felt to get on the bus, or in your parents car, or in that stranger’s van (with no windows, of course)? And then subsequently, how good it felt to get home, knowing that Christmas was just two sleeps away?

Do you remember that feeling? The anticipation that built, the butterflies, the adrenaline, the jitters and the like, knowing that you were two sleeps away from an over sized, jolly, benevolent old fellow climbing down your chimney to leave you all sorts of toys and presents?

Now that was joyous.

If you weren’t Christian, or if you didn’t celebrate Christmas, first of all, I’m sorry, and second of all then I guess you enjoyed lighting those little Jew candles and spinning clay tops, or something. (I’m just kidding, but no really, you probably just should have celebrated Christmas, so that this analogy was a tad bit more relevant).

Can you remember that anticipation? Because I can. I’m feeling it right now. I know what you’re thinking, what? How? It’s February. What good, on the scale of National Liverwurst Day to Christmas, could possibly come out of February?

Keep reading.

As I write this blog, us hockey fans are currently three sleeps away from the most wondrous part of the regular season, the trade deadline.

On February 27th, teams all over the NHL will be scrambling, trying to find that last piece (or pieces) that they need to make a deep run into the playoffs, or if they aren’t making the playoffs, they will be looking to sell those players that have either become expendable, or will be unrestricted free agents at years end. If they haven’t made a deal yet, they will at the very least be checking their lists twice because once 3pm EST hits, all trades are off the table until the 2012 NHL Draft.

But going out there, and picking up what you need is never that easy.

Nothing is.

Teams frequently will not trade to those within their division (most times, even conference), because they don’t want to help their competition, unless that means of course that they are being grossly overpaid. Because why wouldn’t you trade Alexei Yashin for some scrub winger, Zdeno Chara and a 2nd overall pick (Jason Spezza).

Oh, Mike Milbury.

Anyway, as you get closer to the deadline, and as less players become available, the prices of the available players, inevitably goes up. So, how much do you pay for that third line winger? How much do you pay for that top 4 defensemen? And how much do you pay for that ever elusive superstar?

It varies from year to year, but this year, the answer to those questions are; a 2nd round pick, a 2nd and 4th round pick, and entirely too much.

The actual answer to how much you will pay this year for that ever elusive superstar has not been made evident yet, but it has been made clear that this years bell of the ball, Columbus Blue Jacket’s star forward, Rick Nash, is not being traded for anything less than a young roster player, a top prospect, and a first round pick.

Is he worth it? To an extent.

Are they going to get it? We’ll see.

Either way, it won’t be easy. Why? Two reasons, his cap hit and his no movement clause. There aren’t many teams out there than can just take on 7.8 million dollars. Sure, some teams could move players out to be able to afford it, but then they would have to take into account that they are stuck with 7.8 million dollars tied up into one player. Sure, Rich Nash is an incredible player, but is he worth 7.8 million a year? Is he going to be worth it for the next six years?

It’s debatable.

Nash has put up at least 30 goals in six of his past seven seasons, while putting up 40 for twice with little to no assistance. Yes, the players around him were professional players. Yes, they had to have talent to get this far. I get that, but imagine the kind of damage this kind of player could do with a number one center (that isn’t Jeff Carter..) or with someone that fit his play style. If Phil Kessel is having the dynamite year he is having because he has finally built some chemistry with a player like Lupul, imagine the damage Nash could do if he played with Giroux? Or Thornton? Or the Sedins/Kesler? Or Datsyuk/Zetterberg? Or even Kopitar/Richards?

The thought alone is enough to excite any hockey fan. It’s our dream to see star players and imagine them on our team, playing alongside our home town favorites, playing alongside our own superstars.

When it comes down to it, we want everyone. We see stars, we want them. We want Ovechkin. We want Malkin. We even want Crybaby Crosby, but it just isn’t likely. Those players are never available, and for good reason. They are the untouchables. They are the players that never get traded, and up until these past few weeks, Nash was one of those untouchables. He was the face of the franchise in Columbus (I suppose for all intents and purposes, he still is).

But does he want to be? Would you want to be?

I know that it’s a part of an athlete’s job to play where he is signed. I know that it’s their job to play the sport to the best of their ability day in and day out, but how do you give it your all when you know you’re not wanted? How do you play as hard as you can, when you know that any minute, you could receive a phone call and be told that you’re heading to Philadelphia? Or Los Angeles?

I guess the good thing for players like Nash and Carter is that they can’t get the phone call that Jeff got over the summer that said, “Hey… buddy… How ya doing? Great. So, listen. You’re going to Columbus.”

That’s a phone call that no NHL player wants to hear.

Poor Jack Johnson.

The only positive for Nash is that he has a no movement clause, and ultimately, he gets to choose where he ends up because he doesn’t have to accept a trade if he doesn’t want to go there. So, at the very least, he’ll likely be moved to a market that appreciates hockey and that can afford to give him the support that he needs to thrive.

The problem here is that those same teams aren’t willing to part with the pieces that GM Scott Howson thinks that Nash demands in return. Is he asking too much? Probably not. He’s probably asking for fair value, but since he has a limited selection in which to trade to, I believe that from here on out, Nash’s trade value will only diminish and that if Howson wants to move him, he’ll have to accept less than Sean Couturier, Jakub Voracek, and a 1st Round Pick, because quite frankly, he’s not going to get it.

In that case, Howson will have a decision to make very shortly. Does Nash stay a Blue Jacket (for at least the remainder of the regular season and maybe onward?) or does he accept less to move forward with his plans?

For me, ideally, he would be on the move, if for nothing else but to end the anticipation and to be a game changer, adding offensive depth for a run to the Stanley Cup (but only for any of the teams that I follow, for anyone else, I say stay in Columbus!).

I think that he brings a lot to the table. I know that a lot of people will argue with me and say that he’s not worth it, that he doesn’t bring enough to command 7.8 million dollars a year, but I believe that he does. Am I saying that taking a player with a 7.8 million dollar cap hit, and a six year contract is an ideal situation? No. Would I rather have Kovalchuk at 6.6 million dollars for the next forever? Absolutely. But I can guarantee you that Kovalchuk is not going anywhere for many years to come, and neither are most other star forwards. It’s not too often that players of this caliber become available, and you have to take it for what it is (or leave it).

The only problem I have with acquiring Nash is that you don’t want to give up too much of your future for a player that doesn’t drastically change your present. Realistically, it doesn’t make sense for the Flyers or the Red Wings to pick up Rick Nash. Their problem isn’t that they can’t score enough goals. The Flyers are currently number two in the NHL, and the Red Wings are tied for third.

For the Flyers, it’s not a secret that their back checking is non-existent. It’s not a secret that their defense is collapsing, and it’s certainly not a secret that their goaltenders are struggling. Therefore, it doesn’t make much sense to go out and pick up a 30 goal scorer just because.

For the Red Wings, they know that they’ll be in trouble defensively in the years to come with the possibility of Lidstrom retiring, and Stuart moving out West in the off season. Therefore, they might not want to trade away key pieces for a star forward, when they’re going to have to keep their eye on the back end.

At the end of the day, I don’t want to see Nash in New York. I don’t want to see him in Boston, and I certainly don’t want to see him in Vancouver.

But if the asking price comes down, you can bet that Detroit and Philadelphia would have to be back in the game, at least inquiring. But for now, assuming that the price stays the same, and that Philadelphia and Detroit are out of the game. The only logical step is for Nash to come here, to Phoenix. Yes, I know they’re not in the market for Nash. Yes, I know that they can hardly afford to pay Bissonette to sit on the bench, and yes, I also know that they might not be here next year.

But how awesome would it be?

There’s not a hotter team in the NHL, and can you imagine how much better they would be if new ownership came in, and added a franchise player to the pack? It would be glorious. I can tell you for sure that I’d have season tickets for the 2012-2013 season, and that I’d be touting a Nash jersey (as well as a Yandle, that much is obvious).

Either way, I don’t see Nash being moved until the Summer. I don’t see Howson getting what he wants, and I don’t see him lowering that price until he feels like he has to (assuming he’s not fired by then).

For now, the deadline is only three sleeps away, and there is still a lot to be done (ironically enough, sleep is the one thing that most GM’s and players will not be taking part of in the next three days). So, rest your eyes, and get some sleep because Sunday into Monday is going to be (at least) as glorious as the Chocolate Chip Cookie Sundae with Oreos at Applebees.

Yeah, I know. It’s delicious. Go have one, thank me later.

Merry 2011-2012 NHL trade deadline to all, and to all a goodnight.

Feb 17
0

Unemployment of the Third Kind: The Impossibility of Landing a Job Post Graduation

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I absolutely abhor applying for jobs.

If you think about it, it is the most absolute ridiculous process ever. Companies are out there, searching for the missing links to their inner workings. They are looking for the precise nuts and bolts to not only sustain their inner machines, but to perfect them. So, to find them, they post these incredibly thorough job applications on the internet that ask questions like, “If you were cheese, which milk would you be derived from? And why?” and “If seven dogs are sitting on the roof of a train, and that train is headed to Albuquerque, but gets derailed in Amarillo, and sixteen cats board it, what color is the house in Pennsylvania?”

Okay. Maybe they don’t ask that exact question. But they might as well.

Then, after you complete their seventy-eight minute application, they ask for you to upload your resume.

Sure. No problem. I click browse, find the resume that I detailed to this particular job, then click upload. I always sit there and think, well that was easy.

But nothing’s that easy.

The screen that follows that  is always asking for your most recent employer. It’s at this time that I start pulling my hair out and throwing my mouse across the room. Like, did you not just ask for this exact information? Did I not just upload my entire resume, including my ENTIRE employment history to your website? Oh, I did. That’s right. I forgot. You must have forgotten too, because otherwise asking me for my employment history after already receiving my employment history would be sort of silly.

It bothers me to no end. It’s like they enjoy wasting my time. Sometimes I swear that they just do it to mess with people. Like, this entire process is just a joke to them and that the job that they posted isn’t even real. They just put it up there so they can see how many people can actually get through the entire application.

They probably sit back with a smug grin, look at each other and take bets on how many people actually manage to finish it (with coherent answers). Unfortunately, falling asleep while your face holds down the enter key does not count for a completed application.

The thing is, it gets better. It gets better because not only is this job not real, but they probably create a job for someone to create this application. But they don’t use the Internet to hire someone. No, then we’d have to divide by zero. Instead, they just hire their secretary’s next door neighbor’s cousin who they met once at a company picnic.

Because that’s how you get a job.

You know someone.

People always tell me that they get jobs from applying to places on the internet. I want to call them out on it, and tell them that they’re lying. But the truth is, they were probably hired by the people that create posts on the internet to tell me that they got jobs on the internet, because I can’t think of anything else.

Either that or their in sales.

If you go on Careerbuilder, Indeed, Monster, or any of the other websites, I’d say that it’s a 99% chance that any job that you come across will be a sales position. Even if it says that it isn’t, it is.

“Kindergarten Teacher for Seventeen Year Old Ambidextrous Children?” Sales.
“Snake Charmer in Downtown Phoenix?” Sales
“Zamboni Driver for the Phoenix Suns?” Sales.

You get it. Okay, maybe those jobs don’t exist, but the ones that do? The Academic Success Specialists and Advisors? The Marketing Project Managers?

All sales.

And let’s face it, I don’t want to sell your shitty product. Also, the reason that your ad never leaves Monster.com is because turn around rates are high, because no one else wants to sell your shitty products either.

While this post is obviously a rant because I can’t seem to land employment, it is also a serious query of sorts, because I will never understand Internet applications. In all honesty, I will never understand any real job applications.

I have probably applied for close to a hundred and fifty jobs that I have been qualified for in the past year, and have heard back from, maybe five to ten (depending on how you define call backs).

I’m getting tired of writing the same old cover letters. I’m getting tired of writing and changing my resume. I’m getting tired of all of this stuff, because to me, it doesn’t matter. No cover letter, or resume, or anything for that matter can describe what type of person I am. You’re not going to know how hard I work, or how much I commit myself, or how determined I am to finish a project based on this sophisticated jargon.

Sure, I can make counting money and appeasing customers sound impressive, but who cares? No one. No one cares if I can take basic, every day tasks that anyone can complete, and make them sound like I just built the next wonder of the world. The entire process is pure redundancy.

At the end of the day, who cares what I did before? Who cares what I’ve accomplished? I know that it’s important that I have experience, but really, you’re just going to want me to do things that way that you want them done. Not how my last boss wanted them done, and not how the one before them wanted it done. If there’s anything that I’ve learned from college, it’s that you’re going to tailor your work to the person that gives you a grade (or in this case, your paycheck).

If you like me to write in the second person, you’re goddamn right I’m going to write in the second person. If you want me to end a sentence in a preposition, I’ll do my goddamn best to end a sentence in a preposition. If you want me to write my entire essay in the form of a haiku, well, you get the point. You learn how your teacher grades, and you adjust. It’s how you get by (I also hate the grading system, but that’s another blog).

Clearly, since I’ve managed to get through seven years of college while on the Dean’s list, I’ve managed to at least do what I’m told.

I don’t know.

To me, it seems like the people that end up getting hired are those that can lie the best, or the ones that have some insider information, knowing exactly what a company is looking for. Because let’s face it, there are a thousand people out there that have the same exact resume. They may have a slightly different template from Microsoft Word, but I can assure you, that the content is damn near identical. The work experience isn’t far off, at this point everyone and their mother has a Bachelor’s degree, and everyone has the same brown nosing cover letter.

They all say, “Oh so and so, I want to work for your company over every other one in the world because I always dreamed that some day, I could work in the in the liver and brussels sprouts industry.”

Come on, no one wants to work in the liver and brussells sprouts industry, not even the people that like those things.

At this point in my life, it seems like I went to college, just to be in debt for the rest of my life. I am no closer to knowing what I want to do. I am no closer to finding that out, and in the mean time, I can’t find something that I wouldn’t hate doing. If I need to get a job selling Oversized Mexican Jumping Beans to Eskimos in Jamaica, I’ll do it.

I just want to want to do something.

It would make life so much more pleasant, but until then, I’ll be here, editing, rewriting, applying and ripping my hair out, a strand at a time, trying to do what seems to be the impossible these days, land a job post college graduation.

Feb 12
0

Some Things Are That Bad.

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There are certain things in life that we like just to like, love just to love, and hate just to hate. But why? Why do we like something just to like it? Why do we love something just to love it? And why do we hate something just to hate it?

As a society, we have a tendency to form an opinion on a matter before we realize it. Sometimes, it is the reputation of something that unknowingly forms our bias, sometimes it comes from prior experiences, and other times it comes from those around us. It might be something small, like, let’s say your ex-girlfriend loved Ryan Reynolds and made you watch every Ryan Reynolds movie ever. After you break up, you might be tired of seeing Ryan Reynolds all of the time and might feel a strong distaste for any film that he’s in before you even see it, like, let’s say The Green Lantern. (I’m not saying this is possible. Honestly, I’d chalk up watching Ryan Reynolds all the time as a win. He’s is pretty awesome, and he was banging Scarlett Johansson. Actually, in hindsight, I take back the declaration of awesome, but only out of envy).

But you might see the trailer for the Green Lantern, see its terrible special effects, see Ryan Reynolds acting like Ryan Reynolds and go on a rant about how crappy that movie was without ever seeing it. Honestly, you probably wouldn’t be too far off because let’s face it, no matter how you feel about Ryan Reynolds, the Green Lantern just looked like a shitty movie. No one could have saved that train wreck.

The point is, people form opinions on things all of the time without even realizing it. I would say that more often than not, people form opinions on things and never think about why they feel the way that they do about it. In their minds, they just do. They like something because they like it, they love something because they love it, and they hate something because they hate it.

Sure, if they think about it, they could probably figure out why they feel that way. They could probably discover the discourse of their bias, but at the same time, does it really matter? Who cares if I love or hate Ryan Reynolds? Who cares if I think that watching Rebecca Black’s “Friday” on repeat is slightly less painful than watching any Phillies game? No one, and that’s the beauty of it. We can all have our own opinions and the planet will continue to spin on its axis uninterrupted.

I know what you’re thinking, where is this even going? Why the broad generalizations and the guesswork? Why bring Scarlett Johansson up without posting any pictures of her? Be patient, I’m getting there. Not to the pictures, sorry, but to the point. (Remember, Google is your friend)

Sometimes, we want to think that the reputation something holds isn’t always justified. Sometimes, we want to think that it is the reputation of something that has formed our opinion. Sometimes, we think that things deserve a second chance.

That’s how I feel anyway.

But sometimes things are just that bad.

I know that this is an incredibly long preface for something that was already obvious, but I went to the movies tonight to see Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace in 3D and somehow, it was worse than I remember it.

I know, I know.

I think that we can all agree to agree that the prequel trilogy is pretty terrible. Sure, each movie has its bright spot (yes, spot, as in singular), but I kind of forgot that everything else was so bad. Like tonight, as I watched Episode I on the big screen, I kept thinking to myself, the man that brought the original Star Wars trilogy into existence, some of the greatest films ever created, thought that this was a good idea. He thought that a character named Jar Jar Binks, that quoted Stephanie Tanner, was a good idea.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Full House. I grew up on it. I would certainly never complain about that. However, I will ask this. What could George Lucas possibly have been thinking? Was he thinking, well, since kids can’t grow up watching Stephanie Tanner say, “How Rude”, maybe I should implement a character that, mind you hardly speaks a lick of english, says it awkwardly, looking at the camera, like he’s waiting to wink and give a thumbs up?

Well, actually, that seems sort of plausible.

But that doesn’t make it right.

Trust me, I know that the dialogue and the acting was certainly sub par in the original trilogy, but don’t you think that’s something that you might improve upon? Don’t you think you might get better at scripting dialogue after 20 years? Don’t you think you might find better actors when you have a budget larger than the hopes of Star Wars fans everywhere, when they heard that George Lucas was working on three more films?

Again, I know that this isn’t something new. There is no revelation here. It’s not like I went into the movies tonight thinking that seeing Episode I in theaters again would make it suck less. It’s not like I thought that by going to to see it on a very large screen, that I would fall in love with it, but somehow, I also didn’t remember it being this bad either. I’m not sure if some part of that was repression, or what, but it was bad. Really bad. I don’t think that I would go as far as to say that I hate it because Episode I did bring with it some good things, like Ewan McGregor, Darth Maul and some epic battle music, but unfortunately, I think that the lone existence of Jar Jar, the presence of Samuel L. Jackson and the revelation of Midichlorians somehow outweighs those positive benefactors.

Yeah, I know that I am stating the obvious. I know that Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is far from a good movie. I know that it has a bad reputation and that people that are seeing it for the first time, know what they’re getting themselves into based off of that reputation. They know when they pay $12.50, get their popcorn, and sit down that they’re not getting to see Empire Strikes Back. They know that they’re not getting to see The Lion King 1.5. They know that they’re not even getting to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 (yeah, the one where they go back in time to medieval Japan. The one where they don’t even fight Shredder. How do you have a Ninja Turtles movie without Shredder? Ugh. Don’t get me started).

People seeing it know what they’re getting into because of the reputation it holds. Does it deserve it? Well, yes. I think that’s unanimous. No one comes out of the theater and says, “Let’s nominate that one for the Lifetime Movie Achievement Award” (is that even a thing?). No one even says, well, that wasn’t as painful as I remember it, because it is every bit as painful as you remember it.

Yet somehow, despite the pain, despite the disappointment and despite this moderate bout of trash talking, deep down, somehow, I still like it. I certainly don’t love it, but I wouldn’t say that I hate it either. It’s bound in this tiny little realm of like because at the end of the day, it’s still Star Wars. It’s still part of that branded culture that I grew up on. It still means something, and therefore, some part of me will always feel the need to defend it. (Please do not associate my Star Wars defense with that travesty of a television show that is known as The Clone Wars, because that is not Star Wars. That show is to Star Wars as the Japanese Super Man toy you see in the dollar store, packaged with Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles, that has a Spider Man box, and says “I am Iron Man!” is to the Super Man toy made by Mattel on the shelves in Toys R Us).

Some part of me will always think back on it, and think, “you know what? It wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be.”

Even if deep down, I know that it is.

On that note, thank you George Lucas, I now have to bury this sense of awareness, and cleanse my pallet by watching the original trilogy again.