Day Two: Reynoldsburg, OH to St. Robert, MO

By January 17, 2012 Arizona, Blog 3 Comments

I am about to say something that I am positive that no one has ever said before:

I kind of like MIssouri.

I know you’re saying, “whaaaaat?”. But yeah, that just happened.

Seriously.

Now, I know that this is not something that has ever been muttered before in the existence of mankind, but I also think that perhaps my perspective is skewed. After all, I did spend the night before in Ohio. It’s like beer goggles.

I mean, Ohio is pretty terrible. After driving through it, I can understand why the Columbus Blue Jackets continue to suck year in and year out. How could you be motivated to do anything in that bland, boring, nothing state. There is nothing, anywhere. It seems like it is the most dreary place on earth. And not only is it boring and dreary and whatever other terrible adjective you can come up with, it’s cold as hell. I was so goddamn cold there. It was terrible.

Missouri on the other hand, is a beautiful 62 degrees. Not to mention, it ever so generously gave me an hour! The people here are nice (ish. The frat/army guys three doors down are pretty big douche bags, but that’s to be expected from frat/military guys, so let’s count that as part of the exception). Otherwise, the area seems nice (ish..). The weather is pretty wonderful, and the roads are incredible for driving. A 70 mph speed limit is a remarkable thing on long, open roads. In fact, sometimes I even found myself looking down at the speedometer and realizing that I could go faster.

Legally.

That’s kind of an amazing feeling.

Of course, it does have it’s downsides. Like what, you ask? Tornadoes. Seriously. What the hell? I was laying in bed watching TV and writing this blog when South Park was interrupted by the National Emergency Broadcast System thing. It was just the testing thing, or whatever. You know know what I’m talking about. That goddamn awful sound that they only play at 2 am. Yeah, that. Anyway, after like 20 minutes, it went off again. I looked up and it told me there was a tornado warning for the following counties (and preceded to list them). Unfortunately, I have no idea where the hell I am. So, that means nothing to me.

Then, outside sirens start wailing and the phone began to ring. It was the front desk woman asking me to come to the lobby because it wasn’t safe on the second floor.

Goddammit.

In the mean time, my Mom, Kyle and MK are still on the road. They stop and pull over while I try to get more information, but it’s kind of impossible without knowing where the hell I am. So, I tell them the only thing that’s logical.

“Keep driving. If you see a tornado, avoid it.”

Perfect.

But yeah, it was a false alarm. No tornado. So, yeah, Missouri is where we ended up, but let’s rewind to Ohio and the start of the day.

We didn’t get in and asleep until late last night, probably around 5:30 AM. When I got to the hotel, I checked in and turned the heaters on full blast, so that people would be warm when they got in. As soon as people got there, I took Sawyer in our room, chugged NyQuil and passed out. I woke up this morning to find MK gone. My first assumption was that he got locked out. I figured Chris was sleeping with his headphones in, and I was so drugged out that an sonic blast wouldn’t wake me up. Needless to say, I definitely expected to find a bitter (and very, very cold) Mike Kelly. Chris’s theory was that he was abducted and had his organs harvested. I added that he was probably also forced into bum fights, but neither of those things actually happened.

Instead, he never really fell asleep. The room was unbearably hot (which we could all agree with), and he went and slept in the truck. While I appreciate his generosity (thank you MK), if I were him, I’d be like yeah, this is not a Sauna. If you’re cold, get under the goddamn blanket like a normal human being. I would not have attempted to sleep in the truck. I know that the heat was not the only thing that pushed him to the truck (sleeping with two other dudes and a dog in a king sized bed isn’t exactly ideal), but yeah. Again, eff that.

We woke up late. Walked the dogs and got back on the road, but not before we got breakfast. And what else do you eat for breakfast before a ten hour day of driving? KFC.

(** Please note, we did not intentionally eat KFC to celebrate Martin Luther King Day. That was fate).

I don’t know how I would have stayed awake, or sane during this trip if it wasn’t for my iPhone. It seriously is the most magical (and wonderful) piece of technology. Ever. When I get tired of music, I throw on stand up comedy. When I get tired of that, I get on Netflix and stream anything and everything. it’s pretty wonderful. I listened to like five episodes of South Park, twenty minutes of Billy Madison, and a few episodes of How I Met Your Mother.

Obviously, this will happen again tomorrow.

It is truly wonderful.

Unfortunately, we were cut short of our goal. Originally, our plan for the night was Albuquerque, but that was another 4 hours from where we ended up, and that meant that we wouldn’t get in the hotel until around 6-7 AM. Considering that you have to check out at 11, that hardly seems worth it. So, we called it a night at St. Robert, Missouri.

The day will begin much earlier tomorrow than it did today, but fortunately, this Red Roof Inn has a continental breakfast. So, we’ll actually have something to wake up to (though, we probably won’t… but we’ll try). I know, you’re thinking what does a continental breakfast mean to someone with such exquisite taste buds such as myself? Orange juice. Frosted Flakes (Zucaritas for my espanol friends), and toasted bagels with skippy.

Sadly, I’m kind of looking forward to it.

I miss my PB!

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